The Wedding of Lindsay L and Jacob T
*In granting me permission to use their wedding as a sample, the couple has requested that I remove last names from this service.
Welcome-Gathering Statement:
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
Marriage is an honorable estate, instituted in antiquity and revered since nearly time immemorial as the noblest and most tender of human relationships.
It is fitting and appropriate that you, their families and friends be here to witness and participate in their wedding.
The ideals, understanding and mutual respect which they bring to their marriage have roots in the love, friendship and guidance that you have given them over the years.
Marriage is about commitment in the context of change, but this relationship will continue to draw much of its beauty and meaning from the intimate associations of the past.
The most important thing about this moment is obviously the two who stand before me. However, a close second is presence of each and every one of you, (referring to the gathered guests) and the presence in spirit of those who are separated from us today by both distance and time.
Among all those who cannot be here today, we wish to remember Lindsay’s grandparents, Bill H. and Monnie and Sue L. We also wish to invite here in spirit, Jake’s grandparents, Moses and Alice T. who we think of, and invite into this moment.
Readings:
As representatives of Lindsay and Jake, both Jake’s aunt Beverly and their mutual friend, Johnny M, who introduced Jake and Lindsay, will also be sharing a reading:
They come forward and read.
Prayer: Today’s prayer is delivered today by Fr. M.
(Father M. delivered a prayer, and I followed with the following.
Prayer:
In this beautiful spot, we feel the great spirit of the earth dwelling in every object,
If we listen, we hear it calling us to a renewed understanding of ourselves.
In the midst of this beauty, we evoke the earth to bless this union of people who so love it.
We pray that they may bring their whole selves to the work of life together.
May they bring intelligence as well as faith to the task that is set before them?
May they maintain enduring trust and respect.
May they know they are a part of the greater circle of life.
And may they remember that open hearts and minds make forgiveness and healing possible.
Amen. And “Amin”
Parents/Community Vow:
(Jake and Lindsay turn to face the audience
I ask their parents the following.
Minister: “Do you, Monnie and Barbara and Daniel and Barbara, who have nurtured and raised these two, give your blessings now to Lindsay and Jacob.”
Parents: “We do.”
Minister: “Do you aspire in the days and years ahead to give them your deepest love, understanding, and support during both good times and bad?”
Parents: “We do.”
And now to Jake and Lindsay’s family and friends:
The ideals, understanding, and mutual respect Jake and Lindsay bring to their marriage have roots in the love, friendship, and guidance with which you have provided them.
Do you agree to bestow your blessing on their union and promise them your love and support in fulfilling the commitment they are about to make to each other? If so, please signify by responding, “We will.”
Family and Friends: “We will.”
Charge to The Couple:
This is the part in the service often when the single 39-year- old bachelor minister tells the couple that has been together for more than a decade what marriage and commitment are all about.
So, listen up!
Great love stories always begin somewhere and these two
met at Lindsay’s college friends room just over two years ago.
The details of this first meeting are foggy and in dispute.
Some reports (pointing to Jake) describe Lindsay as “pouncing” on you.
Lindsay wrote me describing this event and I quote “they enjoyed a brief conversation.
Whose right! It hardly matters now!
They stand here the survivors of series of tests to their partnership. An interesting series of time spent apart and time spent together. Deployments that have kept them apart and brought them together.
It was relationship boot camp really.
With Jake in Iraq for long spots, here is this theme of together and apart with you two.
They are both standing here after two years having been all over Eastern Europe together. It is a pace that has served you well.
But this will likely slow down at some point.
And you will eventually share a place where you are not soon off. You will have to adapt to that too.
That is the time this is about.
I hear about, and see a nice complementary balance between you two.
They are opposites, you hear that a lot, parallels, that’s what your friends and families say.
They also say that you seem good for each other.
A little Ying to each other’s Yang.
That’s good!
The smart organized book worm with endless energy, and as she describes him a “huggy-bear” soldier type with smarts strong values and a penchant for sports.
You have the hopes and prayers of those that stand behind you.
Lindsay & Jake also have numerous other relatives who have served in the military as well.
They quite literally got your back today and in days to come.
You hold the cards, you look alike, you have good mentors in both your parents who have been married for 29 years each and offer parallels for you two. Use them.
Lindsay Remember when Jake was in Iraq and had in his German room only a rudimentary bed. Lindsay bought him a bed helped to haul it up 3 or 4 flights so that when he returned he would have a comfortable bed to land in.
Keep up those special over the top kindnesses
Your success, and I am sure your parents can attest to this, will be built not on whirlwind trips to Krakow and Prague,
but in the special kindnesses you see when you get to share the same bed and you tire of looking at the ESPN’s and play-station.
And Jake when Jake was in Iraq his boys told me that days left on his tour were measured in days left before I see Lindsay. Continue to count time like that.
When life slows down- whenever that is, and you look across at the pile of Us Weekly’s and smart books that crowd your wife’s nightstand.
Remember to remember how special she is now that she is not fifteen hundred miles away.
They might tell you that two people can commit to engage and communicate with each other, really love each other, in a way that they may be, in some way, of one mind,
and have one life.
They cannot be one thing.
As you start your life with more and more time together-don’t confuse those two things.
In choosing to commit yourselves here today- in this time- honored way, in this beautiful spot you two are aligning yourselves with the deepest spiritual truths of all of our unity. And with the spiritual world.
You are taking a chance on a deeper joy than you have find alone.
Of course, life is always an unknown, and marriage like will shift. It is that very commitment to the unknown that makes marriage so special, so serious, so scary, and so sacred.
So this marriage is going where the two of you and time, life, history, and the world — will take it.
Remember that you love each other.
Remember that you are taking a chance on a deeper joy than they could find alone.
So, go live it.
Declaration of Consent:
“The covenant of marriage is one that can be entered into only by persons of free will.
People of free will who make a promise to one another and an unknown future ahead.
It is a covenant that can be entered into only by couples that are legally and spiritually free to do so.
(Turning to Jacob)
Jacob, do you come before this gathering of friends and family to proclaim your love and devotion for Lindsay?
Do you promise to affirm her, respect her, and care for her during times of joy and hardship? Do you commit yourself to share her feelings of happiness and sadness? Do you pledge to remain faithful to her? If you commit to these things, please say I do.
Jacob: “I do.”
Lindsay, do you come before this gathering of friends and family to proclaim your love and devotion for Jacob? Do you promise to affirm him, respect him, and care for him during times of joy and hardship? Do you commit yourself to share his feelings of happiness and sadness? Do you pledge to remain faithful to him? If you commit to these things, please say I do.
Lindsay: “I do.”
Vows: It is now time for your vows.
Jacob please repeat after me.
I, Jacob, take you, Lindsay,
to be no other than yourself.
Loving what I know of you,
and trusting what I don’t yet know.
I will love you when we are together,
and when we are apart.
When life is peaceful,
and as it challenges us.
When I am proud of you,
and when I am disappointed.
I will be loyal to you,
honoring your goals and dreams,
supporting you with my love,
with consideration and strength,
and binding myself in faithfulness
to be yours forever.
(Then directing my attention to Lindsay) Lindsay please repeat after me…
I, Lindsay, take you, Jacob, repeat
to be no other than yourself.
Loving what I know of you,
and trusting what I don’t yet know.
I will love you when we are together,
and when we are apart.
When life is peaceful,
and as it challenges us.
When I am proud of you,
and when I am disappointed in you.
I will be loyal to you,
honoring your goals and dreams,
supporting you with my love,
with consideration and strength,
and binding myself in faithfulness
to be yours forever.
I say – Thanks
Ring Ceremony:
Andy, will you please hand Jacob Lindsay’s ring.
Jacob taking Lindsay’s hand please repeat after me:
Lindsay, I give this ring so that I may embrace you, whether we are together or apart, in love and faithfulness, all the days of our lives.
Andy, will you please hand Lindsay Jacob’s ring.
Lindsay: I give this ring so that I may embrace you, whether we are together or apart, in love and faithfulness, all the days of our lives.
Declaration:
Let all honor Jacob and Lindsay the threshold of their house. May they carry into their marriage the beauty and the tranquility of this place.
Now by the power invested in me by the State of Vermont- I now pronounce you husband and wife You two may kiss.
Final Blessing
Our final blessing will be the Apache blessing used at Lindsay’s parents’ ceremony 29 years-ago. It will be read by Kyle H. and Kathy G.
Kyle reads: “Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be the shelter to the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there is no loneliness for you, for now you are two bodies, but there is only one life.”
Kathy reads: “Go now to your dwelling place, to enter into the days of your togetherness. And may your days be long and good upon the earth.”
Breaking of Glass:
The breaking of the glass has had many meanings associated with it.
The traditional one is to remember the fall of the Temple, even in times of joy, but there are other common ones, such as remembering the fragility of relationships and life.
It is today the point at which your life as a married couple begins.
Jake’s father will read a Hebrew blessing and then we will end by breaking the glass.
It is the last thing that is done in the ceremony.
The glass is wrapped in a cloth, and the groom strikes it with his heel.
At the sound of the glass breaking, everyone shouts “Mazeltov!”
Recessional:
(If from the top of the hill remind folks to bring a chair down as you are willing and able)
There will be refreshments served down by the barn. Thanks.
Grace for the meal:
The world spins and people like gravity find themselves together….
When it works, they behave as if stuck together for a while…
Life is at its best when friends gather around for celebrations like this.
We ask for and by doing so, ourselves bless this food, this meal-
Glad, and grateful for all that we have
For all that we have given we celebrate.
Amen